Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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