just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
