I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
