Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
