i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
