i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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