just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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