you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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