Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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