you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
