He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
