did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
