coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
