You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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