I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
