I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
