marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
