You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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