hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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