After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
only you would photoshop your dick
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
