that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
