I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
