I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
