peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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