I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
nutella sex= disaster
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
