It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
