I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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