Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
