Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my sisters under your porch take her home
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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