Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
