True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
