it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
