You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
