Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
