we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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