that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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