I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
