I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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