I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
