Nicole vs. Life
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
