let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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