I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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