There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
