You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
