You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her facebook's as public as her vagina
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
