I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
