I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
