Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
