Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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