Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
