i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
