Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
