Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
