well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have feelings that need drinking.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
